Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Oh Baby It's Cold Outside...

I Owe My Mother

1.    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.  My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because,  I  said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. 

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8..  My mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS .

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about  WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE..

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"

14. My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My  mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother  taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught  me about RECEIVING .

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite: 

25  My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Oh my gosh! How funny, but I had better add a disclaimer. My Mother would not have said half of those things. In fact, I think she only ever said #6. And #15 without the part about the parents. The one I most remember was to eat everything on my plate while thinking of all the starving children in the world.

 Hmm, I wonder if that has anything to do with my eating problems?

Well, the cold weather is back and there's ice on the pond. But yet, the chickens have coerced me into opening up the doors for the last several days so they can forage in the garden. I'm a bit wary and repeatedly run outside and check on them as there has been a chicken hawk lurking around. The roosters are really good a raising an alert like earlier when a low-flying helicopter decided to circle overhead a few times. They signaled the alarm and all the hens scurried back into the shelter.
I've got my tomato seed order in and my order for the starts of the new pink blueberries which according to the trend-watchers will be very popular. Still deciding on flower seeds for my hanging baskets and other plants I might want to try. Next is to check my plant tag inventory and see which ones need re-ordered.
I have someone working on my website! Finally, after years of trying to do it myself and getting so frustrated Christy came along! So besides this blog, my Facebook and Etsy, you all can keep track of me on my very own website. I will keep you posted as it progresses. Might have to have a super-duper opening sale, huh?
The dogs are barking, but not because of any hawks. The squirrel has appeared on the fence and is telling them I need to refill his feeder with peanuts. He loves to sit just out of their reach and drop shells on their heads or race up and down the fence line. Hey, he's exercising them for me right? Plus it might give me some good footage for YouTube! 

The organizing still continues around here. I have gone through almost 500 magazines, tearing out articles I want to keep and bundling the remaining for recycling and giving away. Anyone need old issues of Country Living, Better Homes and Gardens, and numerous gardening magazines? It's kinda hard to part with them and also to finally confess out in the open that yes, I am a hoarder. But just like the very few things I have got rid of in the past, I will need them as soon as they are gone. I mean, my hot pants (remember those) and platform shoes became trendy again as a result of me! So for now the magazines are off the bookshelves and stacked in piles by the front door awaiting their fate. A few might find their way back onto a shelf; who knows.
By the front door also sits an overflowing hamper of clothes I have weeded out. I'm down a couple of sizes after the surgery and don't want to even look back. No keeping anything just in case I gain weight again. And besides I had to make room for the couple of new/used items I found at Value Village this week. What a feeling to shop in the middle of the  rack and have a selection!

"I'm not overweight.  I'm just nine inches too short."
~Shelley Winters

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends” ~ Unknown Author

1 comment:

  1. Oh yes I heard a few of these mainly 22 and 25.